A blog by James: Gamer, Father, Geek.

Ok I don’t have a Tumblr account and so see no way of replying to Joe on there so I’ll stick my response here.

Here’s what Joe had to say:

promiscuity & principles: my take

ok i’m going to be viciously candid about this, so if you’re easily offended by judgements on lifestyles, then click away now

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it is widely believed that within the gay community, individuals are more sexually promiscuous and having only been out for a few months, i’m learning this very quickly. however, it is not something that i’m welcoming.

today, I was speaking to my sister, who was telling me about two gay guys at work who had just started and during a conversation they discussed the promiscuity of gay men: “you have sex with them first, and then get to know them later!”, one explained.

now, trust me, i’m no prude – i’m not religious, i come from a middle class background and have had no reason but good parenting and inherited morals to feel uneasy about the thought of a sexual merrygoround.

i know i’ve got a lot of catching up to do, but going out – getting wasted – and waking up in someone else’s bed with regrets is not appealing to me. i really want to just meet a guy, get to know him and go on one or two, maybe even three dates before anything sexual happens. i can control myself, why can’t other people? just because i have a different sexuality, doesn’t mean that i shouldn’t retain traditional values of romance expected in a straight relationship? right?

i just get the feeling that any guy that i do go on a date with, won’t stick around for that second or third date, if i don’t put out on the first. which is crappy.

weirdly, right now, i’m not that bothered about the sexual aspect of being gay – just crave the concept of having someone to chill out with, cuddle up to and just ‘be there’ every now and then. please apply within.

what’s everyone elses thoughts on this? reblog with your POV.

x

Well I pretty much agree with Joe, and I think it’s a myth that gay men are more promiscuous than straight men or women for that matter. There are millions of promiscuous people of all varieties, you only have to go to a nightclub to see how many people are out to get a leg over. I personally don’t like that kind of thing but I understand it and see the fun of it. But for me, I couldn’t do it. I would want the relationship side of things. I’d feel hollow about it afterwards.

Sometimes I think I should have taken more chances at Uni. I realise now that women, no matter how attractive are just people. I know some  gorgeous people that if I didn’t know them I wouldn’t approach them at all to talk to, but they’re just as  normal as me. But as it was, I took few chances. I got a couple of snogs but that was about it.  I of course wouldn’t change my life now for anything. I am not ashamed that I didn’t have sex until I was 22 and that that person is now my wife and mother of my gorgeous daughter.  I like that fact. It wasn’t a conscious decision but it’s the way things happened.

So no Joe you’re perfectly normal, I think most people want what you want. Perhaps they don’t want it now, but I think in the end it’s what we all want. Sex is great and all, but it’s one part of a relationship and I know people have different views on it, but it’s not the most important part by a long shot to me. It’s the icing on the cake.

Stick to your standards Joe, it’s what makes you who you are.

Good looking, talented, funny and a decent gentleman, the guy that gets you will be one lucky SOB